Why Me? It’s normal but we all feel it anyway

March 12, 2026

I don’t think that anyone expects to have cancer; even those with a strong family history. Much like a car accident, stolen cars, or house fires – they all happen to other people.

At the request of my geneticist, I reached out to my cousin to see if they had genetic testing. She had testing through the same company I did but she does not have a mutation. She and I have similar diagnoses and she’s just made it through her double mastectomies and reconstruction.

Of course, I’m wondering “why me?” 

Sure, I’m “old” but I’ve finally figured out what I want to do with my life. Where I want to live and how I want to live, and now I’m facing my own mortality.

I realize that every day is a gift and there are many who simply don’t wake up to live another day. I want more days. I want to have my homestead, garden, raise animals, and do all the crunchy things. Freeze dry, dehydrate, can what I grow. Have a root cellar, chop wood for my wood burning stove. I want to start a cat rescue.

Yes, my cancer stage and grade are low, but with the genetic component added, I’m at increased risk for so much more. I’m likely catastrophising my diagnosis because my prognosis is good. It’s early, it’s very treatable but in all honestly I’m feeling very dismissed. I’ve made it known that I don’t need breasts. I’ve already been reduced and I asked for a double mastectomy at my first appointment with the surgeon. 

When I met with the geneticist Tuesday, I reiterated my desire to just get rid of my breasts. I’ve fed my baby and I’ve no biological use for them anymore and if they’re just going to grow cancer, I certainly don’t need that! Conversely, I want Mel GONE. I still feel like the tumor has grown and both breasts hurt, right (where the known tumor is) more so than the left, but they do both hurt.

I understand why my surgeon wants me to see plastic surgery about reconstruction, but I also want them to understand that I’ve lived with boobs as big around as I am tall. That they found a “mass” during reduction (see below). That I’ve had abnormal testing before gynecologically, that there was a disappearing mass in my colon. My luck has obviously run out. Sure, recovery from a bilateral mastectomy will be painful, that there are risks, but there are risks no matter what. 

As flattering as it is to be told “you’re young” during oncology appointments, I’m not uninformed, nor illogical. Conservative treatment has its place and some people choose that route and it’s their choice. I want my choice heard – not likely understood – but I want and need my care team to advocate for my wishes.

The thought of undergoing partial mastectomy, radiation, then bilateral oophorectomy, and followup testing for pancreatic cancer and then still need increased screening for all of the above takes enjoyment out of my life. I will always be planning for my next screening. I just want to be able to enjoy my “golden years” to the fullest.

I posted this on Facebook:

Out of curiosity, I went onto the hospital MyChart that did my reduction. There was a mass found in the left breast that didn’t show on the pre surgical mammogram but it was excised during the procedure. My oncology surgeon tried to find the pathology report on Care Anywhere, but surgery predated that EPIC (the parent company of MyChart) feature. I was able to find that report and discovered a diagnosis of atypical lobular hyperplasia. 

According to Cancer.org: “ALH increases your risk of breast cancer later on”. Can someone please explain to me why I was never told this? The last time I saw someone at the cancer center downstate I was told, “We excised it. I don’t know what more you want me to do!” I was never told that pathology was done. And I was never told, dear CANCER doctor, that I was at increased risk for developing cancer, nor was I ADVISED on what to do to monitor the condition.

I am so angry I could vomit. If I had known I was at high risk I could have been doing more regular screenings alternating between MRI, ultrasound, and mammograms. THIS is why women need to advocate for themselves and educate themselves on their conditions.

My goal, through all this, has been to inspire you to get your screenings and to stay on top of your health. It doesn’t matter if it’s type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, or any of the myriad conditions we’re subject to. If YOU don’t take care of you, no one else will.

Check with your employer to see if they pay out for regular screenings that you’re likely having done annually and check with your life insurance company, they may offer a similar benefit. Get paid for the screenings your doctor orders anyway? Yes, please!

I was able to download the written pathology report from 2017 and will be taking it with me Monday. I have also emailed the information to the geneticist as well as the information that my cousin had genetics run through the same company I did, but her genes did not show mutation, and that our diagnoses are particularly similar. At the appointment Tuesday, I did tell the geneticist that she’d had a double mastectomy with reconstruction but I also reminded her in the email.