Diagnosis Day

Wednesday, February 18, 2026

After I clocked out of work today, I decided that I really did need to go to the store. I have a thing with the Aldi Aisle of Shame so I just waited until it was close to their opening time before I headed out. 

It was pouring rain – I mean, a freak summer thunderstorm type rain where it’s coming down so hard that you can’t see 10 feet in front of you! Between 6 and 8am I must have looked out the window a dozen times but I didn’t feel I could put it off any longer so I left just after 8 to go to Meijer. Much like Walmart I only go to Meijer for a few select items. I’d also decided that I needed new aluminum and paraben free deodorant and I knew Meijer carried what I was looking to get.

Google tells me that there is no correlation between aluminum in deodorant and breast cancer (https://health.osu.edu/health/skin-and-body/aluminum-in-antiperspirant) but, I’ve been using the same brand for probably 30-years and maybe it’s time to 1) find a cheaper one 2) find one better for my health and 3) making a series of small changes can improve health.

The rain hadn’t let up and without a rain coat, I resigned myself to getting wet. I threw on a bra – for decency’s sake – a T-shirt with sweats and drove to Meijer. The deodorant I wanted had only two scents and I wasn’t fond of either and the unscented one was out of stock. I grabbed some because they were on-sale and I was already here. Upon entering another aisle, I discovered a HUGE area of “men’s deodorant”. Wouldn’t you know it, they had the same brand (and labeling) as the ones I’d already picked up but the men’s version is twice the size for the same price. They didn’t have any of the unscented ones there either, but they did have a scent that I liked better than the others I’d picked up in the women’s section. So … note to readers: shop in the men’s section! 

Wouldn’t you know it, I went to Meijer for oat milk – my son takes after my mother and drinks SO MUCH MILK! Unlike her though, he switched to almond and then oat milk – and they’re out … again. Dylan’s brand choice must be everyone else’s as well because they’re frequently out of stock. I knew he still had some, so grabbed the sour cream that I ran out of yesterday and I was off to check out. 

I love Meijer because I use the camera on my phone to scan what I pick up, pack items as I want them packed directly into my reusable bags, and then just scan my phone at self check-out. Things stay packed as I want them and there is no more load the cart, unload the cart, load the bags into the cart and unload the cart into the car before unloading the car and loading the cabinets. Fewer steps for my weary state.

It was still raining like crazy when I discovered that my gas tank was less than half and it’s been years since I’ve allowed that to happen so I searched my gas apps for the cheapest gas around and then checked the “deals” section at my bank too. Thankfully, I was already at the cheapest priced gas station within 5 miles AND I had Meijer points to redeem for another 20 cents off each gallon.

For so many years I lived moment to moment and paycheck to paycheck that I, more often than I care to admit, ran out of gas the afternoon of payday or even once the night before. Embarrassing and frustrating so I fill up every payday even though I’m working remotely and usually have at least three quarters of a tank. All the radiology trips had me driving a lot more and the gas gauge was below my comfort level.

Anyway, I arrived at Aldi before they even unlocked the door. I sat in the car going over all the things I wanted to get. We recently discovered their maple breakfast sausage. My whole life my mom bought Bob Evans so that is what I’ve always bought as well, until I read the Aldi’s Aisle of Shame community on Facebook. While the sausage is not a limited time item, users often ask for recommendations on items they may just be noticing. 

I bake this sausage in the oven for 18-20 minutes and it’s so good, and about half the price of Bob Evans. Thank goodness for that because Pepperidge Farms makes a cinnamon swirl bread that I make into French Toast and today, at Meijer, I found that they also have a strawberry swirl bread that is begging to be made into French Toast. 

I’m sorry if you’re nauseated as you’re reading this. In the 16 days since my abnormal screening mammogram I’ve lost 10 pounds. I still like to retain some sense of normalcy with a regular dinner and frankly, I need to eat no matter what. 

This was my first outing since the biopsy on February 12 and I quickly lost energy, but was glad to have accomplished what needed to be done and had a loose dinner menu for the next few days. 

As I pulled onto my street, I stopped at the bank of mailboxes to get the mail. I have “Informed Delivery” but still get far more junk mail than I should. It just shows up even if it’s not shown on my Informed Delivery emails, so I try to get to the mailbox at least once a week. 

As I’m pulling away from the bank of mailboxes my phone rings. I’m nearly home, have groceries to put away, and people text me, NOT call. Figuring the call was spam of some sort, I declined the call. They called back – WTH!?! I declined again.

Dylan opened the door as I was walking up the flooded sidewalk to my front door and took the bags from me so I could grab the last one. We jointly put away the groceries and he says, “Oh, your phone was ringing just before you got home”. 

I have my phone connected to my laptop and my tablet so they unfortunately both ring if I’m close enough to home. He says, “I didn’t know if it was the doctor or spam”. Ohhhhh, I didn’t think of the doctor’s office. I had checked for MyChart notifications while out (are you even surprised at that?) and didn’t see anything but sure enough, it’s a call from the oncology NP.

I plop down into my desk chair and take a deep breath. I quickly read the text summary of the voicemail message and returned her call. She says, “Do you have time to go over your biopsy results?” It’s a good thing I was already sitting because the results were positive. I handled the call well, and didn’t cry – I expected malignancy. I took notes on grade and type and asked a few questions that “Dr. Google” recommended I ask. When I asked about staging she said that the doctor would have that for me when I saw her on Tuesday the 23rd at 9:30. Again, no choice, just “this is your appointment”. Six days until I meet with surgical oncology.

Even though I fully expected a malignant diagnosis I did break down for a minute and at that moment Dylan walked into the room. We’ve talked quite a bit and we were both believing that the result would be malignant. But that doesn’t discount the shock value even when it’s expected. 

As I do, I went into planning mode. I notified both my sisters, and sent an email to my brother’s ex-wife, mother to his girls.

I didn’t need to do any more research because much like every other step, what happens is dependent on the next appointment. I, thankfully, opted into the “critical illness insurance” so I printed that paperwork. I want to get that started concurrently with my FMLA and disability leave. There is a 30-day waiting period before “critical illness” pays out. While I fully expect to work most, if not all the time, less surgical recovery time, that payout gives me a little cushion. As the saying goes, “hope for the best, plan for the worst”.

I’ve already made the decision that if the surgeon recommends or suggests a mastectomy that will be my choice. I had a breast reduction in 2017 so I already wanted smaller boobs and was always a little disappointed that they weren’t smaller. 

I have no idea if the surgeon thought the size I am was more aesthetic or if he just couldn’t get me to the size I wanted. Don’t get me wrong, a D or DD is so much better than the I or J cup size I was before the surgery. And with the lift he did at the same time, they’re perkier than they ever were since I started developing between 5th and 6th grade. 

Not everyone will choose mastectomy; it’s a personal decision with many facets. Maybe you want immediate reconstruction or just want to start with a lumpectomy first. You do you, boo. It’s YOUR body and it’s your choice with the surgeon making the recommendation based on their experience. As for me, “off with the boobs!” so I added some additional items to my Amazon “recovery” wish list.

At the drain removal appointment following my breast reduction, I found out that they found a mass in the left breast that they removed with the tissue. They recommended seeing oncology so I made an appointment and saw a wonderful fellow (that is a doctor undertaking more training beyond residency in their chosen specialty) that checked my incisions since I was fresh out of reduction surgery and said they’d find pathology results or have them do pathology on the mass. I then made my next appointment and was placed with someone else who said “They removed the mass, I don’t know what more you want me to do”. So, that was the end of my visits to the cancer center run by my former employer.

Yeah, I probably should have pushed more and reported that person but I thought “I have no familial history of any type of cancer”.

I am publishing my journey publicly because everything in women’s health seems to be so buried and hush-hush, like it’s a big secret. It’s not a secret, it’s happening to a person and that person has feelings and needs information. This is the best way that I can provide information. 

Having accomplished so much already today before noon, my BFF Xanax and I went to bed as I have to clock-in at 8pm for work.

Tomorrow is another day of waiting.